Jessica Santosa Carlton Restores the Art of Courtship with Faith-Based Matchmaking
In a world where modern dating culture often conflicts with biblical teachings, Jessica Santosa Carlton, founder of DATEABILITY, is revolutionising Christian dating. With a decade of coaching experience and a passion for marriage rooted in faith, Jessica is leading a movement to empower Christian singles with the emotional maturity and spiritual wisdom to build lasting, covenant-minded marriages.
Through her flagship program, Romantic Intelligence 101, Jessica teaches single Christian women how to date intelligently, prayerfully, and with integrity. Her private matchmaking service connects high-calibre Christian men and women across Australia, helping them form relationships that honour God and reflect His purpose for marriage.
“I’m on a mission to bring strategy, shrewdness, and Spirit-led wisdom back into Christian dating,” says Jessica. “The church often tells singles to ‘date intentionally for marriage,’ but rarely teaches them how. I do.”
Jessica’s methods bridge the gap between biblical conviction and the realities of modern dating, equipping her clients with the tools they need to find love that lasts.
Redefining Modern Christian Dating: Romantic Intelligence
Jessica’s approach to matchmaking differs from typical dating coaches. While many experts focus solely on compatibility or psychological tactics, Jessica emphasises what she calls Romantic Intelligence, cultivating the emotional and spiritual maturity to recognise true, lasting love that leads to covenant marriage.
“Romantic Intelligence is about training your discernment muscle, not just your dating profile,” she explains. “You don’t need another situationship – you need the spiritual and emotional maturity to recognise safe strength, especially when it comes in an awkward package. Most women are not passing this maturity test. Most men who come to me are just grateful for women who reply to their messages!”
Her focus is on deep, holistic growth that helps both men and women attract and sustain relationships rooted in commitment, not just fleeting attraction or cultural trends.
“It saddens me to see some couples in the church living and sleeping together before marriage, just as many outside the faith do,” she says. “You build a much stronger foundation when you choose to wait, when you decide together with intention that intimacy comes after you’ve made a covenant before God and your community to love each other for life. Also, it’s far more romantic.”
Bridging the Extremes: Between Rushing and Drifting
Jessica believes part of the problem lies in how both traditional and modern cultures have distorted the process of finding a life partner.
“Traditionalists say, ‘Date for marriage young,’ but what often happens is that Christians rush into marriage with very little relational maturity. Then you’ve got secular culture saying the opposite, ‘Live together, sleep together, don’t even think about marriage until after the kids come.’ Both extremes create instability,” Jessica explains.
“One moves too fast, the other never moves at all. The result? Broken hearts, confused children, and a culture that’s forgotten what covenant love actually looks like. My goal is to help restore the middle ground, wise, Spirit-led courtship that blends maturity with romance, clarity with joy.”
Jessica believes God is calling this generation back to radical self-control , not as repression, but as a sacred discipline that makes Spirit-led courtship possible. “The tension of no sex before marriage when you’re passionately in love is meant to be there,” she says. “It’s not a flaw in God’s design; it’s a refining fire that deepens emotional and spiritual intimacy before physical union. When two people can hold that tension with grace, they’re already learning how to love sacrificially.”
At the same time, she cautions against drawn-out relationships that drift into temptation or confusion. “God didn’t design courtship to last forever,” Jessica adds. “The goal isn’t endless analysis, it’s clarity and commitment. I teach couples to go deeper emotionally and spiritually, but also to move forward purposefully once they’ve found alignment in values, mission, and faith.”
Faith-Based Matchmaking for a New Generation
Jessica’s mission to restore faith-based dating comes at a time when traditional values in relationships are often overlooked in the secular world. Her unique approach integrates biblical discernment, emotional intelligence, and a deep understanding of masculine and feminine roles in partnership.
Unlike secular matchmaking services that focus on ticking boxes of criteria, DATEABILITY encourages clients to date with purpose, self-knowledge, and partnership with the Holy Spirit. Jessica is also one of the few matchmakers in Australia who works directly with Christian men, personally interviewing and representing them to ensure they meet the high standards of godly masculinity.
“Controversially, I’d say I’m anti-feminist; but more accurately, I’m pro-family,” she says. “The next generation deserves emotionally whole, stable-and-together-forever parents. I’m really all about the children.”
Her work has garnered attention from both Christian and secular audiences, as her faith-based approach offers an alternative to the current dating culture that often prioritises independence over true partnership.
The Modern Christian Dating Landscape
Jessica’s perspective on modern dating is one that challenges conventional wisdom: “Modern dating has turned self-protection into a personality,” she says. “Everyone’s obsessed with not needing anyone, but love requires risk. The goal isn’t hyper-independence, it’s interdependence built on commitment, discernment, and shared mission.”
Her bold approach has resonated with many Christian singles who feel alienated by the current dating landscape, as she encourages them to embrace vulnerability and the possibility of true emotional and spiritual connection.
“I’m here to make Christian dating effective again,” Jessica says. “I’m not here to play it safe; I’m here to help believers build marriages that will honour God and last a lifetime.”
Bringing Wisdom and Strategy to Singles
As a wife, mother, and thought leader, Jessica is committed to equipping Christian singles with the tools they need to succeed in their romantic lives. Her influence has spread far beyond her local community, with an engaged online following of over 6,000 people, and her work recently received national attention through a feature vlog by influencer Jamie Zhu, which gained over 17,000 views on YouTube.
Through her DATEABILITY Smart Lovers Podcast and other platforms, Jessica has created a space for Christian singles to learn from her extensive knowledge of relationship psychology, dating strategy, and faith-based partnership principles. Her coaching programs not only help people find love but also foster personal growth and emotional maturity that lay the foundation for lasting, godly marriages.
About DATEABILITY
Founded by Jessica Santosa Carlton, DATEABILITY is a faith-based dating and matchmaking company that helps Christian singles find lasting, covenant-minded love. Through a combination of personalised matchmaking services and her signature coaching programs, Jessica empowers her clients to build relationships that align with biblical values, integrating emotional intelligence, discernment, and spiritual wisdom into every aspect of dating. For more information, visit DATEABILITY.
Media Contact
Jessica Santosa Carlton
Christian Dating Coach & Matchmaker
DATEABILITY
Email: jessica@dateability.io
Instagram: @_dateability
Podcast: DATEABILITY Smart Lovers Podcast
Website: www.dateabilitycoaching.com
YouTube: Bridges of Belief Podcast
Vlog Feature: Jamie Zhu Vlog Feature